In Need of a Critique...
Sep. 29th, 2006 11:16 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
spacecadetrealm.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
vidding_livejournal_ark2This is my latest vid!
Title: Pretty Piece of Flesh
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Character: Jack/Daniel
Music: "Pretty Piece of Flesh" by One Inch Punch
Spoilers: Seasons 1-7 including Fallen...
Summary: Basically, Jack's POV again, can't help it this song is just soooo all about Daniel. The title alone speaks volumes. This Video is very low on SAP and high on ANGST... So be prepared for Jack & Daniel's tumultuous relationship to shine through, but you know it's all foreplay... Also included are some very nice flesh scenes of both the boys...NO PORN though- so don't ask!!!
Direct Link: http://www.spacecadetsvideorealm.com/Pre
Concrit Very Welcome!
"Without concrit, how will we grow as vidders?"
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no subject
Date: 2006-10-01 05:19 pm (UTC)Pretty1 crashes my computer when I try to open it. Not sure why, but Pretty 2 works fine.
I didn't really like this vid. Normally I wouldn't feedback in that case, but since you've asked for concrit, I'll take you at your word. Feel free to delete the comment after you've read it.
Judging by the lyrics, this would be the story of Jack's sneering and violent obsession with Daniel. But if you were telling that story, it didn't really come across to me.
My favorite parts were the ones with the most action, movement, and violence, like Jack smashing the car windows near the beginning and him punching Daniel. They hooked in with the the song and made me feel it.
At times your clip choice seemed overly literal, like with the dogs and the black sky. What else could those lyrics mean in the context of this obsession?
You had some long talking scenes between Daniel and Jack. I'm not enough of a fangirl to guess what they were saying, and they were incongruously slower paced than the song. You used some color changes on the beat, probably for that reason, but it didn't work for me. On the other hand, a few times you cut out piece of a clip to create jerky motion, like in the scene where Daniel's wrapped in a flag, and that was much more effective.
You kept showing Daniel's face talking over the shot of him lying huddled on the ground. It seems like you were saying something vital to the vid there, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
I wonder if you could zoom in and pan up or down a clip of Daniel's body to give Jack a nice slow eye-fuck of him. You know what I'm talking about? Movies do it to women's bodies all the time. It's not respectful, but that's sort of the point.
Looking back, this is some fairly brutal concrit, and I apologize for that. I think this could be a really fascinating, if deeply unpleasant, vid. I can definitely imagine a Jack that would despise Daniel for being so weak, but still want him.
Or maybe I've missed the point entirely, and that's not what this vid is about at all.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-01 06:05 pm (UTC)WOW- So I'm guessing you didn't like it, I mean going out on a limb here, but wow, lol.
In a word, YES!
Actually I do appreciate the honest concrit, and your opinion seems to be the majority.
I have to know if you have ever read Pepe's "Edge of Darkness" Series, cause that was kind of where I was at when I made this.
I totally agree with some of the lengths being way too long, as well as the talky bits, I think that those are two concepts that I really get now.
But I am sad that nobody sees that Daniel is repeating the "I am a pretty piece of flesh, I am..." sequence when I'm focused on him.
I guess it just did not translate into that for people.
Oh well that was a hard sequence to do on WMM, and no, unfortunately, I don't have any zoom features *sigh*
I am surprised that pretty 1 crashes your comp. You do need an AVC1 codec, a new high def format, that costs like $100.00 or just download SUPER which has it for free, which is also available at my site... Sorry about that...
Hey, I did ask for it! But I think that it is good, because you really made me look at the vid, and from that I can redo it someday, hopefully with better software, and really focus the vid more. There are some parts that I must keep, but I could definitely play around with a lot of other parts. Thanks again, I really do appreciate your honesty!
no subject
Date: 2006-10-01 06:21 pm (UTC)I'll download SUPER and check it out.
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Date: 2006-10-01 06:14 pm (UTC)Thanks so much- Spacecadet
Direct link: http://www.spacecadetsvideorealm.com/Heart2.wmv
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Date: 2006-10-01 06:53 pm (UTC)OK, I'm on after-the-fact beta duty here.
I really like your opening title. Attractive and appropriate.
The slow changes you use in "Heart" match the music nicely. (I think "A Pretty Piece of Flesh" is a much more difficult song to vid, because it demands fast, harsh changes.)
I think you still need to be careful of what one of my betas called "talky face". Try to avoid showing people speaking at all. When possible, use reaction shots, show them nodding or shrugging, sighing, licking their lips, gesturing, walking or moving while speaking. Just don't show pure talking heads. You are already doing that most of the time. It's much easier with Daniel than with Jack, because Jack tends to underplay his facial reactions.
Some examples where you did a very nice job of avoiding talky face are the clip at 3:17 where Jack and Daniel were conversing on the trail and they both used an identical pointy finger gesture, or 3:45 with the glasses - those were great.
There is a flash of Jack at 1:17 right before we see Daniel that is too fast. Either cut it out or make it longer.
The clip at 1:45 for "I know we're different" feels like a lost opportunity. Throughout most of this vid you are showing the two of them acting and even dressing in the same way. How about a clip that really points out their differences, the academic vs. the soldier?
You used the scene with Daniel and his rock 3 times. I can't remember the context of that scene, but it maybe you could replace one of them with something else? Unless, of course, you are trying to evoke a specific contextual memory in your audience at all 3 points.
I really love the clip at 2:54, where Daniel's face is lit up at some discovery.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-01 07:03 pm (UTC)I think that I need a beta during the actual vid process... I'll look and see if anyone is up for the arduous job, lol...
Thanks again!
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Date: 2006-10-01 07:17 pm (UTC)I'm a great believer in betas for all types of creative work. I can barely publish a drabble without getting it beta'd. And however good a vid or fic is, it is always better after being beta'd and revised.